After a series of unfortunate television shows
and poor investments,
Ant and Dec fell on financial hard times.

Years of underpaid student union gigs
dressed as PJ and Duncan ensued
as the Geordie duo’s relationship
slowly deteriorated.

One evening, after a particularly unsuccessful performance at a
Working Men’s Club in St. Helens,
their agent reminded Ant about
the insurance policy they took out many moons ago
that stated if one of them were to die,
the other was entitled to £1million.

Ant smiled as he understood their crafty agent’s
sinister suggestion and began plotting ways to
murder his best friend;
oblivious to the fact that Dec was doing the same
after having a similar chat with their agent.

Unfortunately, due to many alcohol and
drug-fuelled supermarket openings
where Dec would stand on stage right instead of the usual stage left, in an attempt to reinvent themselves as Dec and Ant,
on the day they had planned to carry out the killings
they drunkenly struggled with the age old dilemma
of trying to work out which one of the double act they actually were
and both ended up accidentally killing themselves.

© Carl Burkitt 2013

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