The Man United fan has found a new kebab shop.
It’s by the Three Tuns pub.
“My tea was the size of a baby’s arm last night.”
The Man City fan has found a new barber shop.
It’s by The Grapes pub.
“Halfway through my cut today the manager yelled:
‘You need it gluing on, not cutting off!’”
The Stockport County fan has found a new chippy.
It’s by The King George pub.
“They absolutely cover your battered cod in salt.”
The Swindon Town fan has found a new soft play.
It’s by the Costa Coffee.
“It has a really cute painting of an cow on the wall.”
No one is listening.

Carl Burkitt 2025