[PLANK is looking a little cheeky. LILY is yawning.]

PLANK: Fancy doing something extreme? I was thinking of-

LILY: Christ yes! S&M? Swinging? Bareknuckle boxing? Badger baiting? Driving the car into the quarry? Telling your Mum what we did? Punching a fox? Swearing at a Priest? I’m PUMPED!

[Pause]

Sorry, what were you thinking of doing?

[PLANK reveals an open pot of Sour Cream and Chive Pringles.]

PLANK: …eating two at a time…

[Curtain]

Carl Burkitt 2025