Erling Haaland is sat in traffic
on the motorway from Manchester
to London. It’s FA Cup Final day
and he’s desperate to go to a birthday party
instead of giving defenders hell.
His thoughts are sausage rolls,
cucumber sticks and cake icing,
not gambling at the near post
or songs about his dad’s knee.
A coach drive past his Ford Fiesta
and he imagines it filled with his teammates
laughing about pass the parcel
and Phil Foden pinning the tail
smack damn on the donkey’s arse.

Carl Burkitt 2024