After LinkedIn

1. Use your hand, or something similar.
2. Grip confidently but gently – this is a greeting, not a battle.
3. Look your fellow shaker in the eye, briefly, then at the floor or ceiling.
4. Shake for a maximum of 5 seconds and a minimum of 2 seconds.
5. Say something unrelated to the shake – do not compliment your fellow shaker’s skin softness, nail cleanliness, fingerprint uniqueness.
6. Do not whistle.
7. If you do whistle, whistle your fellow shaker’s favourite song.
8. Do not whistle the tune of a song played at the funeral of your fellow shaker’s loved one.
9. Whistle the shape of words that make you feel comfortable being alive.
10. Wait for your fellow shaker to walk away before rubbing your palm on your trousers.

Carl Burkitt 2023