UNREAL DEALS! the email’s subject line read.

God, Jerry thought. Marketing’s gross. Bet they’re not even any good.

He opened the email and ran his eyes down the offers.

BUY ONE T-SHIRT AND GET A LIVE-IN UNICORN FOR FREE!

£10,000,000 FOR NEW CUSTOMERS, JUST BECAUSE WE CAN!

BUY TODAY AND GET A TWO-YEAR, ALL-EXPENSES PAID HOLIDAY!

USE OFFER CODE ‘LOVELY’ AND GET A DEAD RELATIVE OF YOUR CHOOSING BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE!

Hmm not bad, Jerry thought.

© Carl Burkitt 2017